Satan has been working with his daughter on accepting compliments with grace and harvesting one's essence using proper manners.
My soul is trending toward worthless. If I could short the market, I'd go "all in" and bet on my earthly essence abruptly ceasing in the not-too-distant future. Free tip - hold on misery and long on suffering.
My life's regret? Not taking advantage of those rites of passage that would have afforded the opportunity to kill as many brain cells as possible. Because I'd certainly be in a much happier place now.
Hmmm. This is a square peg, round hole solution. The original version of this was a little too disturbing for today's sensibilities. One side benefit is the salt should make the humor drier. And, uh, saltier.
I thought I had completed this phase of development back in my 20s. But. Apparently. You can regress. Maybe we can develop a cure. Or vaccine. Because. Life is so much easier without the burden of "living".
I enjoy chaos. It's an opportunity to learn, grow - find yourself. I once moved 300+ miles for a promotion. On my first day? Hiring boss tells me it's his LAST day. And new boss hands me a book: Who Moved My Cheese?
(a) I have boring brown eyes. Except. They have a dark inner ring with deep radial furrows and a wide dark green outer ring. In between? Enough gold that will "glow" in just the right lighting. Or so I've been told.
I grew-up hearing family tales about the "adventures" of Josiah Harlan. It's been almost two centuries. The world has changed. Yet not. I'll bet I can predict what it will be like in another two hundred years. Humanity. IF.
In theory, I recognize that the continuation of breathing activity is not equivalent to torture. But. In practice?!? Let's debate. Anyway. For the next "game" I want to be a psychopath. That would make life so much easier.
To quote the Klingons. And my mom. TODAY is a good day to die. Artistically. I have lost all sense of purpose for these unwanted things. And frustration has mushroomed into a cloud of creative darkness. And? “And So It Goes”
Self-Help Sunday! How? I realized at an early age I have distinct personalities I could "change into" as needed. And? Time for a "sane" me. If. You ask. Has anyone ever seen the real me? I'm not sure who that is anymore.
I want to believe that most humans throughout history have one simple goal. To see as many sunrises and sunsets as possible. But. There are some born with different desires. The power to determine who sees them. And how many.
There’s not too much more to say about this, really. Other than? Like sands through the hourglass …
(b) Back to non-reality. Already in progress. If there is an afterlife, no matter where I end-up – I am not going to “fit in”. So. Then what? Where will I – a “phantom” – spend eternity after already suffering a lifetime of Hell?
For what sins in a past life I continue to pay for – with interest – I know not. But THIS is what my existence feels like … a Hellish version of the “gotcha a dollar” State Farm commercial. Oh, yay is me?
True story. Halloween night 1989, two college freshmen used a Ouija board and contacted an entity. They asked its name. It replied “Satan”. One slept elsewhere for weeks. The other never returned. A year later … it was my room.
It finds us all. First death. Then. Second death. It's basic math. About 100 billion humans have drawn breath. And the most famous that has ever lived might be known by 1% of them. As the chart of time progresses to the right – that will trend to zero. Eventually. Maybe. A handful of not-so-honest biographers dedicated to exposing your secrets ... will remember your name.
Two takeouts with one order? Haha. It's a birds and stones thing. Anyways. The joke? Satan has a place to get good soup and Yev Kassem receives his perfect eternal punishment. Funny fact. I have a connection to THIS classic Seinfeld episode – from my long-since-died-a-horrible-death – first career.