TBH, this pretty much reflects my entire attitude at the moment towards the world, life and all other humans.

A recent lying awake thought. Better to die peacefully in your sleep - but get cheated out of the final experience? Or die in absolute conscious agony - and get your money's worth on the way out?

Out of time for these. The 4th, age 6: end of recess. The 5th, age 8: restraint broke on carnival ride. The only accomplishments I have to show for my life? Almost dying and causing misery.

To clarify. Not recently. But I've had "those" thoughts. And known plenty of people that acted on them. The sad part is how obvious the signals usually were. But that is us. Too blind. Too busy. Or too not our problem.

(a) What is suicide? A friend at work one day. Vomited blood. Collapsed. Lived for a few weeks in hospice. Never regained consciousness. He had cancer. But refused treatment. And didn't tell anyone. Is that natural causes?

Comic from my play. Was nearby to witness the response to a school shooting. Then learned. A victim? Neighbor. The gunman? Friend to a family member. There when it happened. Society never demands answers when it's culpable. Only "closure".

First. I clearly missed my calling - inspirational artwork. Second. I know the difference between a "drinky" cow and a "nummy" cow. Sadly, the test audience (my dog) didn't. So. Artistic license. For the sake of "humor".

A soulless corpse? Birthed imploding black hole. / Looks not for love, Cares not for touch, Needs not for warmth. Thinks not for then, Hopes not for now, Dreams not for when. / A soulless corpse? Lives apathy ever after.

Time. And the calendar. Have conspired against me. The conclusion to this comes Monday. But. First we must trudge through the most sacred of high holy holidays. The irony? Symbolism? Allegory? Well ... something.

Whenever I slip into nihilism. A pattern obvious to anyone. It's not depression. Or even pessimism. It's disappointment. We - as individuals and as a species - have so much potential. But. Much, much more ... excuses.

Is this a Silly Sunday? I guess it depends on one's perspective. And awareness. I would posit that history has demonstrated that those seeking destiny and glory ... are often quick to find it. Sorry, Bob the Turkey.

The philosophical Universe has made it clear that it is sick of me and has asked to be left alone. So. Goodbye. I guess. As for HBM? I have a little more of myself to explore to get to a nice round number.

Coming from a multi-cultural American family - this thought would cross my mind. Baptism, wedding, funeral - I pondered what to expect for that branch of the family tree. And I've heard more than a life's share of polka music.

What is death in the modern world? And what does it mean ... to whom? Have our rituals properly evolved with the times? Should we still pause, mourn, celebrate or remember? Or just be processed through a giant microcut shredder?

In the "not too distant" future - assuming humanity survives WWIII - people will get the opportunity to live forever. And they will need room. My bet? The immortals will see "landfills" as a waste of prime real estate.

Let’s go to my journal for inspiration. On this day as a Junior in High School? I shadowed a lawyer for career day. His office. Court for a trial. Visited the county jail. It was the most boring day of my entire life.

(b) I get tired. Of thoughts. Of emotions. Of guesses. Of pondering - if a truck moving at the speed of a snail slithered at me, would I just lie down and wait for the slime? Thus earning. A well wished rest.

A recent study documented the first known person to die during an EEG. And. It may have recorded brain activity associated with “watching” one’s life flash before their eyes. THIS? Would be my review. Of my “life”.

I’ll never be famous. Or rich. But. I’m fine with that. My desire has always just been “to be”. Content at sunset - improved in some way from when the day started. Happy at sunrise – waking as a slightly better person.

People that live inside their heads hypothesize a million causes for every effect. If they have a common point of origin, are spread over a lengthy timeline and exist on a wide spectrum of probability – a state of ambiguity manifests instability. Then volatility. Maybe it’s a form of self-preservation. Our psychology demands certainty. Even if it’s an outcome that is the opposite of our desires – dissonance resolves to consonance.