Sorry Emma. I have a visceral reaction to any seafood. Watching fish be decapitated, scaled and gutted - tiny eyes rolling around on the floor - was traumatic for a 5 year old. Fish heads, fish heads, roly-poly - ugh.

In my misery of two years of acting classes, the only thing I loathed more than improv - was Shakespeare. To be clear, not him nor the words - the acting. Yes, I messed with the meter to make a couplet of those lines. He can sue me.

Congratulations, Mr. President. A devout lifetime absurdist is speechless. My existence is truly and utterly void of hope. I am broken. Bravo. Although, based on recent messages there are a few people that will be very happy. Okay Google, does a corpse - without orange skin - look better under incandescent light?
 
***A pre-emptive disclaimer to the DMs I always get. No, I do not think suicide is funny. I have known too many people that have murdered themselves - whether through direct action or passive inaction. The point is to make everyone realize that America is following the same typical spiraling self-destructive pattern. The note says it all. We all ignored it or thought it was funny - until we couldn't and it wasn't.

Got a camera for Christmas? Fancy yourself a star? Here's some free advice! It helps if you are famous or know someone that is. For more tips, you'll need to buy my bridge ... I mean book. Note. This is just. A list. And humor.

Silly Sunday! I'm having pun now! Just how old - and childish - do you have to be to understand and appreciate this? And. Are they mutually exclusive? Anyway. Are trolls good? It does mean people are paying attention.

Based on a true story. And. I’m guessing one not that uncommon. As most families probably have a photo of a child being snacked on at a petting zoo. My baby sister’s dress fell victim to a goat. I kid you not.

What is my Holy Grail? People that are interested IN me. Rather than what they can get OUT of me. An added bonus? To have them be a teensy weensy bit emotionally invested. At least … as another human being.

For non-Americans that sent me a message. Parents are forced into debt to send offspring to college, cosign for car loans and be a guarantor for apartments. The system favors the rich. Which I, HUMBLY, am most definitely not.

“If you yourself will listen, see that they bind you hand and foot on the swift ship, upright upon the mast block – round it let the rope be wound – that so with pleasure you may hear the Sirens’ song.” --- Odyssey, Book XII